I'm supposed to be thinking about the Empire State Book Festival and the future of BOOKS - with a look to the past at the Gala where literary lions (including my grandmother) will be inducted into the Hall of Fame. I'm supposed to be thinking about the very short acceptance speech I will give in Madeleine L'Engle's honor.
Instead, I'm wondering what I'm thinking here in this pic from 25 years ago, at the end of the summer I turned 18 before I started college uptown at Barnard. Is that a bow in my very short, but sprayed high hair? This certainly isn't punk Léna from high school, although I'm sure I am sporting combat boots on my feet. I am struck by the long fingers on my hands - the ancestral imprint from my great grandmother that my sister and I share. I am wearing a vintage dress with a sweater, so it must have been 4AM somewhere, after the club was closing down and the air conditioning was blasting, along with the house music, so those of us who worked there could get a little dancing in before going out to breakfast, or heading further downtown to dance at The Paradise Garage.
Where was there? The Palladium, summer of 1986. (Where I had my date with JBJ in December of '85) My summer job fresh out of high school was as a bathroom attendant at the Palladium. I started out downstairs, but worked my way up to the VIP room, (Mark Todd?) where I could shmooze and party with celebrities. Oh, so glamorous.
When you graduate from high school, the pervasive question on everybody's lips is: What do you want to be when you grow up?
My answer? A cool old grandma with lots of stories to tell.
Did I aspire to be anything else other than fully alive?
I was having a ball. I had broken up with a domineering boyfriend and was dating a cross section of gay men, and then men who were way-too-old-for-me. I didn't have any homework or the pressure of high school and my strange social life. I was making new, freaky friends. I was making some mad money in tips and had not had any adult supervision for almost a year (I lived by myself at the YWCA downtown for my senior year of high school.) AND the next four years of my life was set out for me. I was going to BARNARD. Dang!
Our minds flit from topic to topic, and my job as a writer is to make connections between the things I think about. Sometimes I hit it, and sometimes I don't. What is my psyche trying to tell me about my grandmother, my 18 year-old-self and my own career? I never aspired to be a writer like my Gran, although I always aspired to be a cool old lady with lots of stories to tell. That summer I also aspired to be a singer/poet like Patti Smith, a performance artist like Karen Finley, an actress like Lauren Bacall, a torch singer like Julie London. Yet I am none of these things either.
But I am a cool older lady (A mom!) with lots of stories to tell. (My teen self would be proud of me!) And I am a writer. (My teen self wouldn't be THAT shocked.) All of these women, especially my grandmother, share a discipline and passion in pursuing their creative dreams. They have all danced close to the edge and found their own vibrancy.
The "speech" is still marinating as I connect more dots together through my mind. I will write something on Friday morning, before we drive to Albany. I will trust that the right words will find me . . . and of course there's a good chance that I won't be called upon to say anything at all. But it's always good to be prepared - then I can be free and relax!
Léna is also a Regional Manager for Writopia Lab whose mission is to foster joy, literacy, and critical thinking in kids and teens from all backgrounds through creative writing.
"Well, the question is, what do you want to believe? Do you want to live in a world where things are possible, or in one where they aren't?" Cin, Edges.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Some day I want to hear the story of how you ended up unchaperoned for a year your senior year of high school. That is the second time I've read that and my curiosity is peaked!
ReplyDeleteYeah - it was kind of crazy! That's probably one of the reasons I was so obsessed with Luke's story!
ReplyDelete:) Will you post a copy on the blog for those of us who will only be there in spirit? Have you read 'East' by Edith Pattou or 'Ice' by Beth Durst? They have awesome bears in them. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteYes! I will post for you guys! I haven't read either of those . . . yet! I will put on TBR list. Of course there's also Phillip Pullman's Iorek from His Dark Materials too! Love bears!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say I really enjoyed this post. It's always interesting to take stock of teen aspirations and compare them to where you are in the moment!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the speech!
You look like fabulous trouble in that picture....
ReplyDeleteThanks popscribblings! It's a trip!
ReplyDeleteAnd Hope, you called it!
Met you on Twitter t'other day, Lena. @prnancarrow. Nice entry. I'm 54, and still asking what I want to be when I grow up. Other people have stopped though.
ReplyDeleteThank you for saying hello, both on Twitter and here! We're never really grown up, are we?
ReplyDeleteLMAO on the "gay men" and "men who are way too old for me." This is so my high school / early college experience....
ReplyDeleteI think this is the sort of thing creative girls naturally get themselves into... ~Jenny /StarTiger on Twitter
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI always visit this page to get most beneficent information and knowledge about http://www.offtocollege.com/offtocollege-board/2015/10/09/an-approved-toolkit-for-essay-crafting-success/ site and books. The way of talking of the writer of this page is really very nice.
ReplyDeletemichael kors purses
ReplyDeleteadidas yeezy
coach outlet
cheap nfl jerseys
louis vuitton outlet stores
pandora jewelry
louis vuitton
oakley vault
jordan retro
coach factory outlet
coach outlet
michael kors outlet
toms outlet
cheap oakleys
michael kors outlet clearance
gucci outlet
beats wireless headphones
replica watches
nike store
adidas shoes
jordan 13
ugg outlet
cheap oakley sunglasses
louis vuitton outlet
fitflop sandals
designer handbags
ugg boots
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton outlet
ray ban sunglasses
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton outlet
cheap jordans
michael kors handbags
louis vuitton handbags
adidas outlet
gucci handbags
coach factory outlet
marc jacobs
true religion outlet
20164.21wengdongdong
birkenstock uk
ReplyDeletecoach factory outlet
ghd hair straighteners
yeezy boost 350 white
gucci borse
louis vuitton handbags
kate spade outlet
pandora charms
michael kors handbags outlet
north face jackets
true religion jeans outlet
cheap air max
nike air max
omega seamaster
michael kors outlet clearance
north face outlet
oakley sunglasses outlet
cheap jordans
louis vuitton borse
true religion outlet
toms outlet
salvatore ferragamo
gucci outlet
hollister kids
ray ban sunglasses
cheap nfl jerseys
pandora charms uk
kate spade uk
cheap jordans
abercrombie outlet
michael kors purses
ed hardy uk
michael kors outlet clearance
michael kors outlet
polo ralph lauren outlet online
supra shoes
armani exchange
201676yuanyuan
beats wireless headphones
ReplyDeletecheap ray ban sunglasses
abercrombie outlet
fitflop
toms shoes
michael kors outlet online
wireless beats headphones
ed hardy clothing
polo ralph lauren outlet online
levis outlet
2017121yuanyuan
oakley sunglasses
ReplyDeletesan diego chargers jerseys
cheap michael kors handbags
polo ralph lauren outlet
cheap ray bans
air force 1 shoes
atlanta falcons jersey
michael kors
los angeles clippers
coach factory outlet
tory burch outlet
ReplyDeletemichael kors outlet store
jordan retro
michael kors outlet
pandora outlet
canada goose
longchamp outlet
michael kors outlet
coach outlet
uggs outlet
11.13linpingping
I have been searching this kind of information. You article is so interested and the books you have been share awesome. Literally you are a great writer every thanks.
ReplyDeleteVery good points you wrote here..Great stuff...I think you've made some truly interesting points.Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeletesite