Image by Danielle Scott via FlickrSo what does it mean when I am beside myself? Am I literally out of my body, not myself anymore? Or are there two of me, both unable to look in the mirror to see what's what. If I am beside myself, where exactly am I? Who am I?
I am a mother, writer, teacher, wife, friend. I am.
I am. Beside myself with excitement: this is truly a dream come true but it's also very much like being near the end of my first pregnancy, where I wanted my son so very badly and I couldn't wait to meet him, but I am just so huge and can't sleep and can't walk, and I have heartburn on top of everything else.
I am. Beside myself with marketing: On Friday night I went to a party with a lot of other writers from the kid-lit world, where I heard about a couple of things that are NOT in my overall marketing plan. Evidently, blogs are out and podcasts are in. Facebook is okay, but Twitter reigns supreme. I left a little scared. I mean, I am on the internet PLENTY. Too much already. I was told to send invitations out for EDGES launch party ASAP. This was advice from the experts and I am the new-kid-on-the-block, so yes, you can guess how I spent my weekend, posting invites to Facebook and doing a fancy-pants evite with disco balls and everything.
Side note: If you didn't get an invitation, don't worry, please come if you are in the NYC area. It will be at Books of Wonder on December 9th from 6PM until 8PM. (Food will be involved, but of the cupcake, snack and soda variety, and not heftier fare.)
I am. Beside myself with anxiety: Will people like my book? Is "like" what I'm going for anyway? I want EDGES to spark discussions, and "like" may not even be a factor. Will people judge me as a debut novelist, or have different expectations because of my lineage? And when I'm anxious, I envision "people" out there as one entity, which is ludicrous, because a book is a relationship between it and an individual reader. Sara Zarr writes in her blog about having to read 230 books as a judge for the National Book Award and how daunting that was because of the subjective nature of reading. She writes: Richard Rodriguez says that the reader re-creates the book when he reads it. If that’s true, and I think it probably is, that means 100 readers could have 100 different experiences of the same book. Which can be frustrating, but is also kind of magical and also tells you something about what it is to be a person, an individual.
I love that!
