In Which I Tear Up on Panel and Have Dinner with Literary Luminaries

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It would have helped if I had gotten a good night of sleep, but I lay awake on Thursday night perseverating on the NYC Teen Author Festival, and the panel I would be on called Under the Influence, with literary luminaries Libba Bray, Carolyn Mackler, Barry Lyga, Susane Colasanti, MaryRose Wood, Alexandra Bullen and Adrienne Maria Vrettos.

I knew that I was invited on the panel because of Gran. What would I say? I am not her, but to say she hasn't had a profound impact and influence on my life just isn't true. You who read my blog regularly, know that I explore this dance between paying homage to her, and having my own voice. People would be mighty disappointed to read my work and expect another Madeleine L'Engle.

How could I possibly be her?

Yet sleep evaded me, so I treated myself to a pedicure and electric green toes before hopping on the train to get to the main branch of the New York Public Library on 42nd Street. I met fellow debutante author Arlaina Tibensky, whose book And then Things Fall Apart comes out this July. (She is also the curator for the fabulous Pen Parentis, for which I read in December. If you are a parent and a writer, please check them out!)

Arlaina was on the debut author panel, and she KILLED. Really, I can't wait to read her book! I wasn't nervous through her panel, or the next panel, until it was my turn. Then all of a sudden . . .

You all know that I heart Carolyn and Barry, and that I was dying to meet Libba. Just dying. I sat in between Carolyn and Susane Colasanti. Barry was moderating the panel as well as being "on" it. (Or "of" it?) I was cold, which didn't help my out-of-body feeling. Fortunately, I was #5 to talk about my "influences" after Susane, who talked about The Outsiders. (Hell, yes!) Libba before her, talked about Stephen Sondheim and John Irving (more head nodding.) And then me. I was going to add Shakespeare and Marion Zimmer Bradley to the mix, but instead I said: "I'm nervous to tell you who my influence is. It is is my grandmother . . ." and then I said her name and the audience gasped. I talked about how she has help shaped my world view and introduced me to the world of literature, and I choked up when talking about getting the chance to read to her during her years of decline.

I got through it! Afterward, they had to kick us out of the library, and we stood on the outside steps for ages, authors everywhere getting to know each other. Nine of us went out to dinner at a Mediterranean Brasserie called Pera: Adrienne, (who has written three books while juggling a full time job and two small children - can I just say, WOW!) - Carolyn Mackler, Libba Bray and I sat on one end of the table, David Levithan sat in the middle, while his assistant Zach, Barry Lyga, Arlaina and another debut author Margie Gelbwasser (Inconvenient) sat at the other end.

We had so much fun - I was loath for the evening to end! Libba and I have more in common than I had originally thought - I was floored by how similar our backgrounds and interests are. And I probably talked WAY too much! Nerves have a way of doing that to me . . . and I'm kicking myself for not having pictures!

Up next on the blog and in RL? The big Teen Author fiesta book signing at Books of Wonder tomorrow, starting at 1PM! I will be there as a fan gurl, and signing Edges from 1:45 to 2:30. It will be veritable mayhem! Join us!

And then: big train trip to Richmond, Virginia on Monday, appearance on Good Morning, Virginia (I know!) and then a workshop and book event at Fountain Books!

Teen Author Drinks Night

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I'd been hearing about the Teen Author Drinks Night, organized by the always intrepid David Levithan for a while, but had never felt brave enough, or accomplished enough to go. However,  I knew that it would be good for me . . . so when Judy Blundell, (who has had a long author/editor relationship with David) revealed to me that she had never gone because of her own shyness, and would-I-like-to-go-with-her this fall I both cringed and leaped for joy. How could I say no? Wasn't it Eleanor Roosevelt who encouraged: "do one thing that scares you every day?"

I don't like big parties - especially ones that are held in bars. They are smelly and crowded, and all that standing around makes my legs sore. Plus I feel shy and intimidated, like everybody knows everybody else, and like all I have is a big foot to insert into my mouth. And I am a people person. I LOVE meeting people and getting to know them. (Oh, we human beings are sooooo complicated!) But Sweet and Vicious? How could I not go to a bar with that name? (It says everything I feel about bars and parties right there in those two words.)

Last night was the night. Judy and I had commit to each other and to another shy one, Rebecca Stead - that we would go. It was good timing to be around some author peeps, because I had just gotten the disappointing news that Borders bookstore is not buying copies of EDGES at first, along with B&N who are only stocking it in NYC.

I have to admit, I agonized a little bit over what to wear - but ultimately I went with a black skirt, top, and calf length boots. My daughter let me wear her White Rabbit necklace for good luck - because being part of the publishing world certainly feels like going down the rabbit hole.

Judy picked me up, and we took the 5PM train from Katonah into Grand Central station, then the 6 down to Spring Street where we walked to a bar called Sweet and Vicious, which is right around the corner from David at Scholastic. It was warm enough to be outside, so there were about 16 people sitting around two wooden tables. I went back into the bar to get a drink - my standard seltzer and cranberry juice - and Judy and I sat down at the table with David and saved a seat for Rebecca.

And you know what? It was awkward at first, but we got through it, and we ended up being one of the last groups to leave. Judy and I both got to meet some new people - I had only met David briefly once before, and enjoyed talking to him - Donna Freitas was there - another FSG author who is also a professor of religious studies and whose books are beloved with many starred reviews (and also not at first stocked by the chains). I had lovely conversations with Natalie Standiford and Tara Altebrando. David went out and brought pizza for everyone. Barry Lyga was at the other table and came over to sit with us once people started leaving. He was very funny.

And the consensus was that chain-stores don't have the power they once had. That they're covering their arses. That they stock books once they hear they're doing well. (One friend emailed me in solidarity that the chains didn't pick up her book until she was short-listed for a Printz Award. "This is not a test. It doesn't mean anything.")

The author peeps also like my Dear Oprah blogs, so I will make it a regular staple of my postings. Oprah Mondays perhaps?


It was good for me to go - I felt like I belonged. Judy and I had a lovely train ride back, debriefing and talking more about writing and our process, and how it changes! And now I won't be so scared when I go do the reading at the Jefferson branch of the public library downtown on November 3rd with David and Barry and others. (Although I will of course still be scared - I am human after all!)

EDGES reading

Okay, I am completely geeking out. I'm in the club! I actually have gone through the process of writing a book, sought out representation, and waded through the process of publishing. It's becoming real. I have been focusing so hard on my move and setting up Writopia in Mt. Kisco that I have (almost) forgotten about EDGES. (Ha!)

But guess what? I am on the Teen Author Social calendar pre-EDGES release date! The wonderful author David Levithan not only writes and is the editorial director at Scholastic, but he has also organized and created a forum for YA writers in NYC to be a real community - to not only read together at libraries, but to socialize over a cranberry juice or a gimlet.

This will be my very first reading as an author. Hopefully there will be many more in my future! Here is the info and line-up for (my) night:

November 3 -- Teen Author Reading Night (6-7:30, Jefferson Market Branch of NYPL, 425 6th Ave, at 10th St.)

Rachel Cohn and David Levithan, Dash and Lily’s Book of Dares

Sarah Beth Durst, Enchanted Ivy

Barry Lyga, Archvillain

Lena Roy, Edges

Kieran Scott, She’s So Dead to Us

Scott Westerfeld, Behemoth

OMG, right? Look at all of these awesome writers! Do I dare to be one of THEM? (Will they like me? Will they like my book? Please!) What parts will I read? What will I wear?

EDGES won't be out until December 7th, but in the meantime, I can look forward to this in the next couple of months. And a few friends have already said they would come . . . I need some psychic hand-holding!

For Older Teens and Adults: BOY TOY

I know it's late folks, but Barry Lyga is my latest writer/hero, so I couldn't resist giving him a shout out tonight. I had met him at Books of Wonder a few weeks ago at the launch party for Sourcebooks and was charmed. Who was this man who looks like Liev Shreiber, with an open face and friendly smile? I didn't set out to read his book, Boy Toy, but I couldn't leave without a signed copy.

"Some parents have a hard time reading it," he warned gently, and I scoffed.

"I think I can handle it," said I, confident that I had tackled some pretty serious issues not only in my fiction, but in my life.

Well . . . he was right. The trauma of sexual abuse does not make for light reading.

At seventeen, Josh Mendel is incapable of intimacy with anyone, including his best and only friend. All he does is study for the "A" and play baseball. No dates, no parties - no socializing, period.

Ever hear the one about the boy who died after having an affair with his teacher? He died high fivin'. Ba-dum-dum. (Male guffawing and laughter ensues.)

When Josh Mendel is twelve, he gets the amazing opportunity to spend time with his "hot" history teacher, alone, in her apartment. He gets to play video games, get her drinks, and is treated like an adult. He likes it, he starts to love it, to love her, to fall-in-love . . . He starts to look at her in a sexual way, and then . . . this is way beyond Mrs. Robinson folks. It is a look into how predators often work, and as a parent, yes, I am horrified. And moved beyond belief by the grief and pain Mr. Lyga has painted.

Do boys get the subconscious message that it's manly to objectify women? That they're all about sex, while it's only girls who want intimacy? Are girls and boys the only ones who are traumatized from sexual abuse by men? Barry takes an unflinching look at not only Josh's emotional landscape as he travels down this path, but at the damage ingrained by our cultural attitudes towards sex and gender.

There were times when this book as so excruciatingly painful and uncomfortable, that I had to stop reading. And yet there were others, like tonight when I couldn't put it down until I had finished it. I had to see the character arc through - to move into hope of recovery. And I wasn't disappointed! I wish that Mr. Lyga and this book had been around when I was a teen: it sure would have helped me understand boys better! But I can be grateful that Mr. Lyga and his growing lexicon are with us now, and are here for future generations.

Good night!