Léna's Lit.Life

Léna (me): Lit, as in literature, Lit, as in light, Lit, as in a little kooky: Life.

"Well, the question is, what do you want to believe? Do you want to live in a world where things are possible, or in one where they aren't?" Cin, Edges.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Writing and Rollercoasters

Apollo's Chariot , montagnes russes à Busch Ga...Image via Wikipedia
I have to write myself into right thinking.

I am in Virginia, at the end of a wonderful family vacation - experiencing living history at Colonial Williamsburg and making history at Busch Gardens on the thrill rides, yet here I am riding an emotional rollercoaster.

The blank page beckons. You have nothing to write. Pack your bags.

My demons are at the door, gnashing their teeth. Their names are Worry and Anxiety, and they are looking for an opening in which to pounce on me and wrestle.

My oldest son took me on a rollercoaster called Apollo's Chariot twice this week. The first time, it was dark, and the rest of my family advised me to leave my glasses with them while Cooper took me by the hand and led me through the maze of the line, excitement and hilarity building. Was I really going to do this?

(We had ridden a mediocre wooden one last year at Six Flags and I had sworn off rollercoasters, despite the strong desire to connect with Cooper in this way. I wanted to be a "ride warrior" and follow him into unknown lands, where his father, brother and sister couldn't, I could, yes? But the gifts the ride gave me were unacceptable: whip lash and abject terror. Alas, Coop was on his own for the other rides - thrill-ing in anonymity.)

My blindness leads to the surreality of the experience - there are no sharp images to focus on, and I have no balance. We strap onto a contraption with at least ten rows of four seats each, safely secured by a fat, bright red seat belt. Whoosh! We're off, and I can't see what's coming. I have no idea what to expect, so I just go with it and scream as we drop, roll sideways and upside-down.

When it's over, I am laughing with a zeal I find confounding until I put my glasses back on again, everything coming back to reality. No whip lash, no abject terror. But just because I enjoyed it in the moment doesn't mean that I have to do it again, does it?

I have to face the rollercoaster of the blank page again, yes I do. Because the fear of the blank page is nothing like the fear I feel when I'm not writing. And when I'm feeling like a rollercoaster, I must use the blank page to help me figure out what's going on, to bring the fears to light, to make friends with the demons. Worry and Anxiety aren't going away, but I know how to deal with them.

So I'm writing. Writing helps me to get the kinks out, bring those demons to consciousness. My Higher Self can write and tell me to relax my jaw, to trust in the process. I've taken all of the actions I can at the moment, and I need to say a little prayer and let go, just as I did on the rollercoaster.
Enhanced by Zemanta


  1. Hope you enjoyed your trip to Virginia! I live in the southern part of the state, but have yet to visit Colonial Williamsburg. (I know, I should be ashamed!)

    I don't think you'll ever see me near a roller coaster again. You're a much braver woman than I!

  2. Thank you Lucy - we had a great time! And in the spirit of True Confessions, I lived in NYC all of my life and have NEVER been to Ellis Island!

  3. Beside many of us will be the Rain forest. It is usually a terrific fake louis vuitton on-line to find a number of affordable us. Much like many of us, it is usually wide open at any hour, one week 7 days for virtually any organization financial transaction. Try and pay a visit to this specific wonderful position on-line and you will probably obtain the affordable totes you could have been recently seeking. Rain forest, much like many of us, has a good deal to make available while fake audemars piguet relates to us. Price tag of each one replica prada leather is incredibly fair. Almost all of the totes are generally fresh however are incredibly reasonably priced. These are affordable nevertheless genuinely legitimate. Modern day fashionista will not only search fab, and also hublot replica watches for the most up-to-date gimmick but not decked out from go to feet throughout developer makes. Removed include the days and nights while girls attend all-around using developer sun glasses, developer totes, along with developer sneakers. The full anything must be corresponding developer clothing can be a bit excessive currently. Until you do have a replica birkin hermes much like the girl, and then you happen to be that's doubtful essential becoming a going for walks advert of such developer makes.