WILLingness and GRACE

I've been quiet on the interwebs. Perhaps that's because I am writing? Not exactly . . .

I have been hanging out in the world of willingness and grace. Mostly because I don't know how I get out of personal ruts and change for the better. How I let go of self destructive behaviors.

But I get out of them.

However, even though I've let go of a lot in my life, there always seems to be a lot more to release.

How does one become willing to change for the better? Change is scary, even when (especially when?) it's for our own good. Our flawed thinking has served us in some way.

I have struggled with some form of anxiety for most of my life, which is why I am so grateful that I have the practice of writing as the cornerstone of my Life Survival Kit. I have been writing, but I haven't been sharing, as I have been exploring the vicissitudes of life in regards to . . . my body and self-love.

Nothing earth-shattering to the outside world, but to me - oh yes. Another layer of the onion has been peeled, a new awareness has been birthed: the food industry has hijacked my taste buds and turned me into a zombie.

And I KNOW you feel me. Who doesn't have food issues? (Okay, some of you don't.)  The battle starts early.

I had beat myself up for as long as I can remember, and had supported the diet industry for just as long. I had become addicted to "diet" foods: sugar substitutes, low-fat this, no-fat that and wonder why I gain weight. I lost weight on Weight Watchers, but only if I was willing to be obsessed with food. I could never keep it up. I gained weight back, and more weight.

I need to make peace with my body. I need to practice mindFUL eating and break the cycle of filling my body with addictive foods. I need to look at a shift in lifestyle that helps me love and feel good about myself.

So back to willingness and grace.

I have never tried cutting out gluten, dairy and sugar (and sugar substitutes) before - in fact, that always felt too deprivational and extreme to me. But seven weeks ago, I did just that. And yes the first few weeks were rough, but now I feel TERRIFIC.

I found the willingness, the open-ness to try something new, and I'm so grateful. I hope that I continue to have the willingness to sustain this huge lifestyle shift, but for now I am grateful to be free from anxiety around FOOD.

Now to take this energy I've used to focus on my health and reflection and put it back on my writing . . .