Write What You Know?

I don't know what I know until I've written it.

Until I've listened, until I've opened up myself enough to the possibility that I don't know everything, to mystery.

How can we know something without stretching our imaginations to discover and explore? What a wonderful adventure writing is!  To know something or someone is to be open to exploration and discovery. Knowledge and experience shouldn't be rigid - we need to be flexible in our definitions, and open to the possibility that we don't know everything. My imagination knows things, my subconscious knows things, and yours does too. There is something you know in everything that you write.

Many of us start a project writing what we know in a concrete way until it begins to take on a life of its own. Or we start out completely the opposite, wanting to learn about something and finding our own truths, knowledge, within the story.

Our first novels are often the most autobiographical. I happen to have experience with alcoholism and recovery in my own family, so it makes an appearance in between the pages of EDGES. Another novel was inspired by the Reality TV show I was on, and the novel I'm writing now is based on something I had on my bucket list when I was a teenager: to be a performer on a cruise ship. (It's not on my bucket list anymore, although I think that writing about it counts, don't you?)

Every novel, story, even blog post, has a different trajectory. We get stuck, because we don't "know" something. I don't know where this is going . . . how many times have I told myself that?  But our job is to keep writing, even through the undulations of self doubt. I practice writing something almost every day, even if it's just one hundred words.

Yes, it may be NaNoWriMo, but don't let low word count get you down, keep writing, and know that you will get better as you practice, whether the words fly across the screen or drip slowly like molasses: keep plugging away and keep the faith.

In other news, I am selling my own copies of Edges! If you would like a personalized copy for yourself or someone you love, I will charge only $10, which includes the shipping.

Read and write on my loves!

My Inner Bully and Writing in November

I'm feeling like a wet blanket this morning, and it's not because of the mountain of snow outside my door. Is it the Sandy (powerless for a week) and election hangover?

Maybe a little bit, most mostly I'm feeling resentful that I signed up for National Novel Writing Month this year and my lack of progress is a slap in the face. Why did I do this to myself?

My inner bully is waving her fists in the air and yelling discouraging words.

Go AWAY. Or at least whisper so I can think.

The process of writing every novel is unique - not just from writer to writer, but from novel to novel. I have written four novels and published one, all first drafts "shitty" and written very fast, by the seat of my pants. This one is different, doesn't want to go so fast and I've done some things differently to make me less of a "pantser" without having an outline. I have a synopsis, a setting, a protagonist/ antagonist and supporting characters, I have 6000 words yet this novel does not want to be written in a linear fashion.

6000 words is good for a week where the kids were out of school most of the time and I still had other work to do as well.

On election day, the kids were finally back in school but I was too nervous to write fiction, so I wrote a blog post instead. It was a relatively light op ed piece (by political standpoints) on voting to move forward with Obama at the helm. I decided to post it on our local Patch as well, and even though I was scared to put my heart out there, I was also excited. Why shouldn't I have a voice? I have been known to NEVER give my opinion on certain things for fear of conflict.

Yet it only took three nasty responses for me to ask that the post be taken down. (But don't worry, you can still read it here!) I had a "voice" for less than twenty-four hours, but I did not want to be the target for people who needed to vent somewhere because their guy didn't win. I felt misunderstood, as I'm sure they did, but their comments left me no room for response or to seek to understand. I felt BULLIED.

So I didn't work on my NaNo Piece yesterday either, watching the snow storm and moving through my feelings instead.

And now the kids have just gone off to school after a two hour delay and here I am, writing to see if I can let myself off the hook for not writing, so that I can write again. Does that make any sense? I need to take my inner bully head on - I know that I can't get rid of her entirely, but I can't let her take the fun out of writing - I can't let her make it a chore.

Writing is my way of processing the world - I don't need my bully to co-opt NaNoWriMo to tell me to write - it's who I am.

NaNoWriMo is not the bully - it's not the enemy - it's a fabulous community tool. Doing things as a collective can give us energy and restore our faith in the process.

The only way that bullying works on me is to get me to shut down - it's never gotten me to do anything.

I just now can start getting back to my routine of writing two to three hours a day, so we'll see what happens, okay? I'm unhooking myself from the lofty goal of writing 50,000 words in a month. And I'll try to get off of Facebook too for those hours - although a life-line during the storm AND the election - it is VERY distracting.

And congratulations to anyone and everyone who has taken the NaNo plunge!

The Election, Mother Nature and Gratitude

This year, Election Day happens to fall on a beautiful crisp autumn day in the North East, sandwiched between two storms. My friends and I are all giddy to have heat and electricity again, AND to exercise our right to vote. We are cautiously optimistic, yet I am still anxious, proven by the fact that I can't seem to focus on any project for any reasonable amount of time.

However, Mother Nature and the election have both helped me to see the bigger picture.

I run around like everybody else on a daily basis, sweating the small stuff and working hard at keeping the faith.

Now in this election and with these storms, our faith is being put to the test: What do we really believe in? What matters to us?

Like everybody else, I worry about money.

And it becomes crystal clear: my bottom line is NOT about money, it always has and always will be  about human rights; being an individual in a larger community where we support and help one another. Yes, I am a huge idealist. But look at who I share genetics with? Writers, artists, priests, social workers . . .

Human rights encompass women's rights, gay rights, educational rights. Not to mention FEMA, war, health care, the environment - so much more. 

My youngest daughter went around kissing the heating vents and the fridge this morning. My eldest son is showing signs of maturity, intellectually, physically and spiritually. My middle son still hugs me and tells me he loves me several times a day. They are growing up and I want them to have a world where we acknowledge the science of climate change, where they won't feel less-than if they aren't wealthy, or marginalized if they or their friends are gay,  or pushed around for having a vagina.

Being a human is messy, complicated and beautiful. 

 

I voted for Obama in '08 and I certainly voted for him again this morning so that he gets to finish the job he started - which I believe is going to help everybody, and not just a select few.

There are people I care deeply about who vote differently and to you I say - whatever happens, let us seek to understand each other, and to understand that our integrity and conviction is what makes us better people, and the planet a safer place. Let us look for the things that we have in common and not the things which divide us. I still want to be in conversation with you and be in community with you, now more than ever.

It is the human condition that warms us, and our humanity that is the most sacred.
 

Am I worried about the Nor'Easter coming tomorrow? (That's something we can agree on.) Yes! (And still no generator!)

 

And another thing: NaNoWriMo is sooooo not happening for me right now - but I love all of the writing mojo going on around me and I encourage everyone to ready, set, write!!!!

 

Life Beyond #NaNoWriMo

Thank you Nanowrimo, for helping me put my nose to the grindstone. You and my cohorts made me push through my story, and I have just reached my personal goal of 40k, with 222 words to spare.

So no, I won't get a NaNoWriMo "Winner" badge, but I've written more in a month than I ever have before, and I have a live story with a character arc and a beginning, middle and end. I am fully satisfied with my experience in Nanowrimo-land.

I made sure to set a realistic goal for myself when I realized that I wouldn't be able to write at all during Thanksgiving week. I appreciated the momentum I had already built, and I didn't want to give up.

Writing a first draft is agony, but what gets me through it are those moments when I am surprised by my story. It makes me want to keep writing. But writing is a discipline, yes? And discipline isn't always fun. The fun part for me is in revision, because that's where craft comes in; I don't have to rely so heavily on the muse - it is something that I can control. (And agonize over as well of course, if something isn't "working.")

What's next? Setting up all of the advent calendars around the house tonight when the kids are asleep so they can be "surprised" in the morning on December 1st. Going back to the gym, preparing for Christmas with decorations, tree lighting ceremonies and music. Catching up on my favorite TV shows, being more available to family and friends.

This month has been intense, people.

I'm ready to let my WRITING sit and marinate for a little while so I can gorge myself on READING. I don't know about you, but I haven't had any time to read this month and my TBR list is about three miles high.

Next year you'll see me doing Nanowrimo again: I'll never have that Thanksgiving week to write, but maybe I can plan a little better and make it to 45k.

*Wink, wink, wink*

What about you?

Week #2, Bring in the Dancing Ninjas, #NaNoWriMo

I was off to a roaring start. As of last night, I clocked in almost 20k words over the first week, excluding the weekend.

I went to work, but I did not go to the gym, cook or clean. My words were having a major dance party.

But today I am drawing blanks. Oh, I make myself write, but not as fast or as furious.

I am full of excuses, and I am starting to stress about how much busier November is going to get.  How can I possibly write another 30k?

I couldn't stay and write in bed because the tree guys were back at 8:30AM with their cherry pickers to clean up the mess from last week. (We had a freak snow storm resulting in loss of power for a few days and lots of poor, damaged trees.) (Yes, the noise and the expense makes me want to cry.) (And yes, I know that all of these parantheticals aren't correct.) (So what?)

I voted in our local elections, and then came here, to Starbucks. But I happened to be privy to a loud conversation about office politics from two brassy real estate agents. Sigh. However, I can't blame them, because now they're gone and I've resorted to . . . blogging. Which is still writing, btw, but it doesn't count for #NaNoWriMo.

Thank goodness for the pep talks that #NaNoWriMo gives you, like this one from last week from Erin Morgenstern.

I hear that the slump is more than common for writers, and that I need not despair. I need to keep carving out this space for writing, and give myself permission to dance with ninjas.

Back to Scrivener - farewell my lovelies!

NaNoWriMo Rocks!

Hello sweet people,



9252 words in 48 hours. My words are soaring because I am not censoring myself - I am not an "author", I am a writer, and for this month I can write whatever I want, because people, I've been stuck. ("Write fantasy" one person says. "Don't write fantasy - you'll invite unfavorable comparison to your grandmother!" another says. "Give up on the one about Reality TV - Libba already did it.")

Too many voices!

This month NaNoWriMo gives me permission to write what comes out of my heart. Yes, there's Reality TV. Yes there's Rock Band and a charismatic, philandering priest, and yes, there is a boy. Or two! I have scratched one novel, but some of it is reworking it's way into this one. I can't help it - it's not out of my system yet!

Maybe I'll be able to let go after writing it all out. Maybe I'll be able to move forward with a new project, or maybe THIS will be my new project, and I'll get to have fun revising from December through May. I'll get to stop and think. But for now - just write!

What about you? (If you want to add me as a NaNo buddy, I'm LénaRoy.)

PS Oh my! Look at the time! I am driving into the city for a writer's lunch at my Gran's favorite restaurant, Henry's. This will be my first time driving in! My God du Jour for driving is Gladys - she is the Goddess of traffic and parking. Be with me Gladys!

Let's Have Tea!

Image via Wikipedia

I want to have a Tea Party as I write this post. (As in have a cup o' tea dearie? and not the political movement. )

Unfortunately, it will have to be virtual and one-sided, but I feel oh so very chatty, and long to get cozy with you all and talk for hours. However, a warning is in order -  I have a tendency to take conversations in a few different directions! (My husband is forever catching me stopping in mid-sentence and then starting to talk about something else.)

It's almost Thanksgiving, and two weeks until my pub date, (!!!!) and I have to confess that I have let the whole NaNoWriMo frenzy fall by the wayside: indeed, it is hanging limp. But you knew that. However,  going into the realm of fantasy for a few days gave me an AHA! moment and I realized how to fix the problem I was perseverating on in my WIP, giving me fresh energy. Yay! Has anybody else had that experience? It's quite invigorating, let me tell you! (Another confession - this is the WIP I sent to my agent. I realized the problem and asked him NOT to read it! It should be really ready in another two weeks.)

The God Box is awesome.  (See post Mod Podge and God) I'm writing letters every morning, folding them up and letting go. This concrete ritual is just what I need right now.

I have tea and spirituality on the brain probably because I finally shared a pot of tea and scones yesterday in the city at Alice's Tea Cup with Donna Freitas, author of The Possibilities of Sainthood and This Gorgeous Game, also published by FSG. We have been trying to find a time to get together ever since our mutual friend Daphne Grab introduced us, and I found out that she was a Phillip Pullman scholar. I am a Pullman geek. Well, we didn't even get the chance to talk about Pullman yesterday, finding so much else that we have in common - growing up religious, but finding our own ways to God as adults (albeit in different ways), a fascination with religion and spirituality.

Now, enough about me. What kind of tea are you having? (I'm sipping sapchan oolong, with a hint of jasmine.)

What I Learned About Writing From The NYC Marathon

And no, I didn't run in it. (I run in the opposite direction from marathons.) But this year, my dear friends Ginger and Greg both pulled out all the stops to enter themselves and I became their unwitting cheerleader, watching from the sidelines. A marathon is a race, yes, but it's so much more than that. (This is a pic of Greg as we watch him pass mile 19 on 116th Street and First Avenue.)

A metaphor for life, but specifically, the writing life.

"It's a marathon, not a race," my agent, Edward Necarsulmer has told me about my career.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I've said, understanding the words intellectually, but not really getting it until now.

I started the NaNoWriMo thang last week, hoping to get my mind off of EDGES' looming pub date, but it has only served to get me in "race" mode, and worrying about things I don't normally worry about. Like word count. I already write every day, but I can't be in, what my writer friend Deborah calls "the bubble" for long periods of time right now. I am still adjusting to my new life out here in Northern Westchester, developing new relationships and making new friends, building Writopia out here and of course I have my husband, 3 munchkins, and a kitchen that is finally being put in.

But all of us have our distractions.

I watched Ginger and Greg not only run the marathon, but train for it, negotiating time for and with each other. Both work full-time - Greg is an actor and Ginger is a psychotherapist, AND they also have three kids. In training, they built up they're endurance over time to run the 26 mile race-that's-not-a-race. Writing is a practice, a training of sorts, needing determination, perseverance, and negotiation. NaNoWriMo is an intense training period, but it doesn't just end there.

"Once I got past the first five miles," Ginger told me "it got easier: it became about something else." That runner's high? (I'm past the first five miles with my writing career. After YEARS, my first novel is coming out in 27 days! I'm in the marathon-that's-not-a-race.) Greg got some leg cramps towards the end and thought he might not make it, but his coach jumped in and started running with him, egging him on. "You can do it!" He did it.

I have had some leg cramps and will certainly have more, but I've got a team around me and running with me to keep me going through the growing pains.

In a marathon, you're running with other people, working on your personal best. The goal for most people isn't to "win" - they win by trying and completing the 26 miles.

In the writing life, I'm developing my own voice and my personal best with each book, with each story that begs to be told. Sure, it would be nice to "win", but I want all of the other writers who are in the marathon with me to win too. We're in it together, some of us running fast, others limping, but we're all in it.

And books need to marinate in our heads and on the page - they take a long time to become real. Writing isn't a race. I used to be desperate to have a second contract already, but I still don't have one. That doesn't change my worth as a writer. It just makes me all the more determined to put my best work out there.

And I'm failing spectacularly at this NaNoWriMo thing. Only 6000 words! (Look who is counting?) But that doesn't mean I call it a day and give up, oh no! I'm just taking the pressure off, with a new understanding that life is a marathon, and as long as I keep moving, I'm good. It's when I stop and feel paralyzed that there is a problem. I allow myself to get trampled. And if I feel kicked - I ask for help and support as soon as I can.

After the NYC marathon on Sunday, we regrouped at Ginger and Greg's place for a debriefing and a pizza party. Amidst the chaos and soreness, G & G were glowing with exhilaration, pride, and relief. And most of all, this experience has woven itself into the fabric of their lives, love for each other, and has become part of who they are. Deliciously inspiring.

So, to myself and other writers out there: just keep moving forward, and don't worry about speed! Celebrate the little accomplishments along the way, pat yourself and your friends on the back and lower your expectations of word count and publishing, and allow yourself to feel the luxurious sensuality of words, and why we love to write in the first place.

Teen Author Reading Night

It's November 3rd and day 3 of the NaNoWriMo challenge. So far I am on schedule, with over 5000 words to my fantasy with the (working) title of The Fog and I am having fun - surprising even myself.

But I couldn't possibly write another word at this point, because now all I can think about is the Teen Author Reading tonight, in which I get to participate as an author for the very first time! Just look who is in the line-up: (And the answer is: of course I didn't get a wink of sleep last night!)

Rachel Cohn and David Levithan, Dash and Lily’s Book of Dares

Sarah Beth Durst, Enchanted Ivy

Lauren Henderson, Kiss in the Dark

Barry Lyga, Archvillain

Lena Roy, Edges

Kieran Scott, She’s So Dead to Us

Scott Westerfeld, Behemoth

It's at the Jefferson Market Branch of the New York Public Library downtown from 6 until 7:30. I'll have my support: Judy Blundell will be coming with me from Katonah (figuratively holding my hand), and Rebecca Stead, Deborah Heiligman, and Daphne Grab will be heading down from the Upper West Side. I need to put on my own suit of armor and rely on my friends and my own writing as we begin to count down the days to publication.

Another nice omen is that Ryan Gesell, (the gentleman who read Luke's narrative in the forthcoming audio for Edges and had the generosity to get in touch with me and let me know how much he loved my book - we writers love that, don't we?), just facebooked me to let me know that he also just finished narrating David and Rachel's new book,  Dash and Lily's Book of Dares which they will also be reading from!

So . . . no more NaNoWriMo or blog for the rest of the day . . . I best be pulling out Edges right now and practicing my four minute excerpt . . . I'm picking something from near the beginning, in Luke's narrative. Maybe I'll post that excerpt tomorrow - at the very least I'll let you all know how the evening went!

Day 1: NaNoWriMo

Image by nuanc via Flickr

It's November first. You know what that means, don't you? Let me join the legions of blogs today about National Novel Writing Month and how us writer peeps are challenging ourselves to churn out 50,000 words by November 30th. Who qualifies? Everybody. You are a writer if you write. Period. (No publishing experience necessary - in fact, it's probably better.) I think that we all owe at the very least a perfunctory nod to Anne LaMott who writes about the importance of the "the shitty first draft" in her Writer's Handbook, Bird by Bird. (It's a handbook for me at any rate.)

The goal is quantity and not necessarily quality, a difficult thing for people so enamored of words.  We have to blindly jump in, and be fearless in our "shittiness".  I have never done this before, but have always been intrigued. Last year I signed up, but then was too worried about taking too much time away from my WIP. This year, I need a break from two WIP's and I also need the freedom to write something completely different as I wait for EDGES to be released into the world. I've always wanted to write fantasy, so why not use this month long event as an excuse to try, to take a risk?

Thank you, NaNoWriMo: my challenge is to write 50,000 words of a fantasy, or something fantastical at the very least. My husband gave me a prompt last night, so I put down the first half of a sentence in Scrivener to await me in the morning . . . and what fun I had! This was what I needed, to feel the thrill of the creative ride again.

Although right now I am frustrated, because I want to log my word count onto my profile page on the website, but it's not loading. So I'm forced to kvetch about that here and brag about the 2500 words I managed to bang out on my laptop this morning. If I can write 2500 words a day for 20 days, then I'm golden - my kids will still have a mother on the weekends! All joking aside, even if I'm only able to log in 25000 words it will be an accomplishment, because it will be a different genre. Whether it's any good is another question, but THAT'S NOT THE POINT! The point is that I'm doing it. Who's with me? (And is anybody else having problems with the website?)

Related articles

• Calling All Writers to NaNoWriMo (psychologytoday.com)
• NaNoWriMo: an excuse to write (bhplnjbookgroup.blogspot.com)
• "Writing the mad dash - National Novel Writing Month" and related posts (scholarsandrogues.com)
• NaNoWriMo and other Stuff (distractible.org)